Pursuing But First Pursued

Digging, digging, digging. Elbow-deep in the earth.  Fingernails coated with black.  Digging, digging, digging. Desperate for that treasure.  Desperate for relief, desperate to know Him. The one true God and Jesus Christ whom He has sent. Desperate for the fullness of joy that always seems just beyond my reach.  The treasure is there. I know it’s good. I know it’s the best life.  I know only He satisfies my longing soul.

Knees bruised and bloody, coated in black dirt.  Digging, digging, digging.  I’m so weary, Lord.  How long, O Lord, will you forget me? How long must I take counsel in my soul and every day have sorrow in my heart1? When will you comfort me, Lord? 

“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.2

Haven’t I been doing that, Lord? What else am I holding back from you?  What is preventing me from getting to you, from beholding you, from holding your face in my hands? I want to know you, the one true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent. I long to know you, to be filled with all the fullness of God. I’m so hungry.  Starving. Longing to be filled. 

“Those who hunger and thirst for righteousness will be filled.3

When, Lord?

And I finally collapse with weariness. Finally.  I lay back and breathe, as the sun beats hard upon my face.

Where can I go from your presence? Where can I flee from your Spirit? If I ascend to the heavens, you are there.  If I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn and settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast4.

Kingdom tension.

I’ve been clawing for Him in the darkness, yet I’m upheld by the Light of Life.  I’ve been searching for Him, but He sought me first.  I’m digging deep for this treasure, but He pursued me before I was born, before the foundation of the world, that I, along with the Body, would be holy and blameless in His sight5.  

Perfect, and yet forever being made holy6.  Seeing things dimly, as in a mirror. One day I’ll see face-to-face.  I only know in part; one day I’ll know Him fully, even as I’m fully known7

Oh, how I long for that day.  For now, I’ll keep digging, to know Him as much as possible in this life.  But for a few more minutes, I just rest.

——————————–

1 Psalm 13:1-2

Jeremiah 29:13

Matthew 5:6

Psalm 139:7-10

5 Ephesians 1:4

Hebrews 10:14

7 1 Corinthians 13:12

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